Alan's Analog - Blog

It occurs that, with the passing of time, along with the struggles and challenges which happen in our lives, our character make-up and the core of some behaviors, unquestionably change within us. In the course of a decade or two, we generally observe that we are often not the same person we used to be. It can be positive change, but very often we, or others around us, find that we are adversely affected, and notice that the changes don't stay in keeping with our ideal selves.

Rocky marriares, difficulty in child rearing, vocational struggles, lean times, addictions, and many more take their tolls. It seems as tho' these may not be happy realizations, but the awareness, the very notation to the fact that it has taken place, is oftentimes, a very good start.

Myself, I've found that as I near the culmination of a particular difficult phase, I begin to realize my fatigue; seeing (with clarity) the effects upon my temperment, and sometimes the absolute exhaustion, spiritual, mental and physical. It seems to be at these times, when all that can be done is rest, retreat (and sometimes cease to care), that time to reflect upon the effects, brings forth a positive result. That being, in the process of just staying still, quiet, allowing one to figure out the extent of the internal damage, thereby becoming able to assess how much rebuilding will be needed.

I believe that this is (at least) one of the processes by which God works healing that which is so scarred.

-By alan

Comment

J - you are hardly the only one 'this messed up.' It might even show more, what, humanity in You, than your others who, outwardly don't seem to 'get down' so much(?) If you are targeting back to the pre-teen era, finding yourself reactionaly different from the pack even back when; and jumping ahead to now, feeling similar - perhaps that speaks as more of a postive than a minus. Sure, you feel more crashed upon than they, but it shows that the world hasn't managed to mold you into just another in the mix. It didn't work then, and apparently, isn't in the present either. Maybe its chemical/design thing as you say. Something makes you different. And different is good. Reassuring to hear one who relates back as well. Thanks.

Alan - Guess what! I'm actually going to agree with you for once. It's true, we cannot see/touch God right now, but my example was merely to help view our understanding of God under a more personal level, not to point out the obvious. Because of this very issue tho', thats why its dire that we stay in tune with Him through prayer and searching his word. For example, I could pray TO God every day. But if I'm not reading the bible concurrently or at least frequent enough, I may be missing the very words God is trying to tell me. And if I'm not going to church, in fellowship with other believers, I may not see an opportunity that God uses a more mature believer in helping me understand a message. Pondering Him is one factor, and its a very good factor to keep. But there are many elements to the equation, and sometimes we just need God to get a word in edge-wise. Could "Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm46:10 be viewed more bluntly as 'quit your belly-aching and just listen and trust me'. Point being growth can't be achieved unless we are constantly fed.

Good points (excellent to be exact); however, I believe its a little different with God than with others, in that - we do not share the same physicality with God as we do with other humans (we NEVER see him on the physical plane, for we are in distinctly separate realms); therefore, thinking, praying, contemplating, pondering Him IS being with Him; IS the process of the 'love affair'/intamacy). We can certainly have more focused time with Him vs. remembering Him during the in-between times of our daily. Comparing our person-to-person interactions (thinking about - seeing/not seeing) is somewhat apples and oranges with relation to our God. Anytime, anywhere... Anything! With God, it can transend that of the human form of relationship. Or at least, that's this guy's take, which can be argued, but not nullified (for me anyway).

(Tried to keep it to a novelette, but you know me) Of course God knows a person’s heart, so he would certainly know if you are thinking about him every day or not. But, God doesn’t want you to just ponder Him; he wants every one of us to have a LOVE AFFAIR with Him. For instance, say you have a friend in your life, and you think of them every day....BUT you don't spend any time with this friend, nor seek them out, nor talk to them, and when you finally do get around to it, it’s only based on a sense of duty or obligation. But you still think of the friend every day. You have to ask yourself, if you were that friend, would you feel like you were really being loved and cared about? I don't think so. Because "thinking" (pondering) about someone is not the same as having a true blue relationship with them, since no communication is being done on either side. Now, make that friendship your relationship with God. And if I can use a familiar word here, God doesn’t want us to just be “acquaintances” with Him; periodically spending time, praying just when we NEED something, or want to complain. No - God wants a close intimate relationship with us where we WANT to talk to Him, and we give Him an opportunity to talk back (bible, prayer, attending church). The only way ANY intimate relationship can develop is through quality time alone together, a desire to seek the person out, and a happiness and pleasure to want to please that person (not living the commandments because we “have to,” but because we “want to”). That’s the basis of all love relationships. It’s not about God being insecure about us, like somehow He needs our reassurance that “we” are still around, that is placing human importance above God’s importance - God doesn’t “need,” us for Him to be whole, He encompasses everything. HOWEVER, He does want us to understand WE need HIM. I think that is why God stands back and allows us to fall on our faces so we can finally figure out we have no control over our lives, we make utter messes out of everything we do, and we really can’t function authentically without his assistance. It forces us to get into a desperation mode, desiring His presence above all distractions in life – and work, family, kids, and other people CAN be distractions if we allow them to and don’t focus our relationship with God as number one. Psalm 42:1, “As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you Oh God, I thirst for God, the living God.” Jesus wants us to thirst for Him, to hunger, crave his presence, not just to go through the motions once a week at church, or to play church as J mentioned earlier. That’s like telling a friend “I don’t have time for you, but when I get around to it, maybe I’ll throw you a bone.” If we really believe Jesus is our Savior, and the only route to salvation, then by telling ourselves we are too busy with distractions in life and placing God second, it becomes a bit disrespectful to who He actually is and we must question if we really have surrendered ourselves. Its a deeper spiritual journey to mediate on this, to contemplate what surrendering (dying) and born again (rebirth) really means. Not pointing fingers, because I do this myself, it’s a daily commitment we have to remind ourselves. And I do believe God grieves. He grieves everyday about our sin and separation WE PLACE between Him. He wants us to be “in love” with Him, above all other loves and things on this earth. God won’t force Himself on us, but He will allow life circumstances to demonstrate our need for a closer walk. Based on this, I think it’s entirely OKAY to feel depression sometimes. Perhaps its a warning device within our souls telling us we are not focusing on the right things and we need more God time. Also, we are to be encouragers to each other. And in saying this, I encourage you Alan, to start attending service again, for this morning’s sermon spoke of this very issue and you would have enjoyed it.

Thanks guys (gals)! Kinda cool here - continuing to kick this subject around somemore. I think one day (after semester-end) I will have to write a 'Changes II' to encompass more of the thoughts which have been tossed to and fro'. Shirl - here's one for an opinion ponderence: God's grief, as you put it, over our lack of involvement (urgency) with Him in the day-to-day... My question to you: IF - we are already thinking of Him/pondering His ways as we go thru the course of our days (as we should be), but perhaps miss the solid, blocked-in private time with Him on occasion, is He still grieving us so - or - is He secure enough, recognitive enough to acknowledge that we've NOT forgotten Him? What do you think?

Hi J - I think we all face depression in some extent or another. I personally stuggle with deep depression and look around sometimes and wonder why I don't have the joy I'm supposed to feel. Just as someone grieves when a friend no longer wants to spend time with them, I think God grieves our indifference and lack of urgency we have in our daily lives to spend time seeking Him out. Even in all of Job's misery, he continued to lean on God and to ommunicate with him. He may not have understood what was happening, and definitely didn't like it, but he never turned from God. And I think that's the point. A person can lose everything in life, but it doesn't matter. We are supposed to feel weak, helpless and messed up - that means we are human! And realizing our humanity helps us understand we can't do anything without God's help.

I had read these posts a while back and I'm sorry, work took a precedence. Alan, sometimes I do feel as exausted as you've expressed (even worse maybe, even beaten up if you will), whether you be joking or not. And I wonder how I am able to even keep up with reading my daily bible, chapter or two a day with all of the daily demands. Some friends or family seem to never feel down and I wonder am I the only one who's this messed up? Is this why I didn't have a good relationship with (pre)teens when going church younger, they were to busy 'playing' church? It's a comfort to know that there is even a possibility that someone relates to my struggles. Personally I think there is a chemical design in some of us to be more depressed in thoughts (more than most acknowledge). I appreciate the reality of Job... he was strong ... to a point, then he cracked like an egg.

Touche, mon ami! Changing our tune? I know you way better than that darlin', offbeat or not. No protests here, just intellectual ideas. And here I thought you wanted commentary on your writings and to promote this as a church related site (scriptures are now banned?). Hmmmm, I would love to see someone else's comments. Waiting....waiting...PS future blog sounds of quantum physics and special relativity. I'll play silent witness til there's evidence of other viewers, better start recruiting now, hope you don't have to wait too long

Ah, my dear - you show how you still don't get the offbeat sense of humor. Methinks the lady doth protest a point overmuch. Meltdowns here, I think not. Defensive, sorry. I've said a piece; you, for the most point, are here simply to counter-point endlessly, quoting more scripture, and this after that, after that. Not saying you're wrong, but I get (as would any reader)the point! Uncle! I'm actually wondering who really needs to lighten up a bit. As for me, not trying to slam anyone. Just trying to have a little fun (now) with topic which seems destined to be beat to death. C'mon, laugh a little. Yer wearin' me out here. Seriously, you've got a lot to write (more than I'm really able to these days); ever think of starting your own column? Well, your turn, now, if I understand how this is working. See ya in the next novel!

In retrospect, my 3/22 post does not deviate from the same advice that is given within the following christian books. I challenge you to find anywhere in the bible where it instructs us to be unloving, uncaring and to live with pride in our hearts. And if I'm not mistakened, "caring all the time" is exactly what God wants. Humbleness to surrender ourselves and to become "selfless" is a full time job. While you are doing your reading 24/7, here's some books to consider, you can certainly borrow them from me if you need to: Shattered Dreams - by Larry Crabb; Be Anxious For Nothing - by Joyce Meyer; Beyond the Masquerade - by Dr. Julianna Slattery; Battlefield of the Mind - by Joyce Meyer; The Reluctant Traveler - by Diane Dempsey Marr PhD; Changes that Heal - by Dr. Henry Cloud Where is God When It Hurts? - by Philip Yancey

Slow down dude! No sense in getting so defensive (I spoke in generalities and did not direct anything personally - but I must have hit a hot button, eh? Well, I least I got a typical "Alan" response, I wouldn't expect anything less. Both you and I know all too well about those "meltdowns," and you just proved this point once again. If you want this site to be used by others to particpate, you need to lighten up and not slam people - else, everyone will be afraid to respond to you. Do you want this to be an open forum or your own platform for your diatribes? Gee,I really miss the fun Alan I used to know!

Wow. Sounds like you've got it all figured out. Now that I know better, I'll have to make sure I'm caring about all things all the time. Whew. Tall order. I'll be praying/reading 24/7 I reckon, in order to tap into that ability thru God, 'cause its sure gonna take Him to keep that pride and defense mechanisms down, which try to control everything. Good thing is, I'll be able to quit school and work, for this will be a full time job for sure. Well, seems like this topic's been pretty well exhausted (if you ask me); so strap in and buckle up for what's coming up next: A time-line idea that's been perkulating. It'll be dealing with an idea that came to me about the (what-if?) possiblity of lengthy timespans (biblical and universe) overlapping in a block of stacked time, as opposed to a single, linear timeline. Wait. I'll be busy praying down the pride. That's right. No time to write after all! (All kidding aside, its been harder to keep regular with this than I thought it would be!)

There are two ways to go about letting go of the worries of the world, it depends on which path is actually taken. I agree that people should be “anxious for nothing,” to cast all their fretting and needs, but it only works if we cast those cares at God’s feet. Otherwise, the absence of caring becomes just another defense mechanism, a vehicle we use to shut down, wall off all those things and emotions we don’t want to face. It can lead to a victims mentality, feeling all external actions around us are a direct reflection on ourselves and somehow a threat. In this manner, ceasing to care is inauthentic – it is just another way to lie to ourselves that things actually bother us. By withdrawing, withholding care, possessing an inability to connect emotionally - either by doing so consciously or unconsciously through self-protection or non-verbal punishment, can be perceived as our own need to control and manipulate, perhaps based on our irrationally high expectations of others and our self-imposed feelings of helplessness. We have to reflect if emotional meltdowns, shutting down, or simply removing all care, is really deep seated pride that we hold (injustices placed upon us). In any event, it is placing a focus on “self,” placing ourselves on the pedestal and not God. Our need to feel good at all costs may not be God-centered, because we are under the false impression that we should never face suffering in this world, which in turn causes resentment towards others and a cry to God as to why he allows some things to happen. Who are we to think we should not suffer when our Savior did? We wonder why God does not remove some of our worries and meet our needs. But sometimes God does not answer our requests for a reason. First, He technically does not answer “to” us, that is placing ourselves as the God-head. And sometimes He allows the “worries of life,” because we must get to the point that we realize the depth of our distance from God and His need for us to grow in maturity, with a closer, deeper relationship with Him than we had before. He wants us to yearn for His presence above all things. When we finally place God first and foremost, above all our wants and needs, it provides the freedom to know it’s okay to love others unconditionally and to accept them as they are, even when things do not go our way. Also, the very act of feeling MORE compassionate, love and empathy towards others, frees us to forgive and let go of those offenses we think we are facing. “I am free to love others, because God loves me more than any human can.” Emotional meltdowns, ceasing to care – these are issues that need to be addressed, not based on what external issues are happening around us – but our own internal conflicts regarding forgiveness, ruminating emotional wounds, or our need for control. God wants us to realize we have no control.

"Joy in the midst of sorrow" - Akin, perhaps to the calm in the eye of the storm, eh? Indeed, a point to ponder (as well as many of the reflections shared here). With regard to the 'absence of caring' - it should be reitorated (in context) that the reference was: 'sometimes,' which I think many could identify with. And in so noting, let it be said that this is not promoting such as the norm (or even as a negetive), but rather, an interim period, whereby one simply lets go of all the worries of life, stopping long enough so one can cease fretting over the things we tend to make so paramount that it causes serious meltdowns.

1 Peter 5:6 -10 We are changed by our circumstances because we allow things to change us. I do not believe people lose their core selves or the personality of their soul, but we do allow emotional baggage, resentments, and heartache to overwhelm us to the point that we “forget” who we were supposed to be, and who God wants us to become. Our purpose in life is to develop the characteristics of Christ through a relationship with Him, and to reflect His true unconditional love toward others in our lives. We are to work at being more loving, caring, generous, forgiving and compassionate – not to cease to care. When the world we experience is different than what we wanted, we assume that there is no greater force than to change our reality to something better. We end up devoting all our energies towards making ourselves feel good, sometimes at the expense of others. However, that is the way of the world, the way of the flesh and selfishness, and not the way of the Bible. What if God had “ceased to care” for us? God wants us to learn to surrender our desires and to understand the desires He brings. He wants us to know joy in the midst of our sorrows. It is sometimes through those very negative things of life we wish to avoid, that God provides us our biggest lessons. Just as gold is melted through fire, and diamonds are made through intense pressure, nothing of true worth is ever created unless there has been a struggle beforehand – that includes character. True joy is not realized only when things go our way, but when we can experience a sense of peace with God in the middle of the storm. It is when you find yourself at absolute exhaustion and see the frailty of your own human limitations – that’s when we must lean on God the most and give Him all the glory, for it is no longer in our power, but His. Rest, retreat can be good, as long as it is not used as an excuse to avoid life. God did not make us to be passive creatures, but to be warriors in Christ – active, full of vitality and an inner knowledge that we can do ALL things through Him that loves us.

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